Dating Tips for Teens Part II

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A Page Elise Made for the Dating Tips Scrap Book

12. There is a “discard pile.”

13. Look for good fruit, what are they producing in their life?

14. To the young women in the class, I would say:  If you’re standing in a lunch line or somewhere and a guy pokes and jokes with you, he isn’t trying to be mean. He wants you to poke and joke back.

15. To the young men in my class, I would say:  Girls do not understand “Locker Room Talk” and are usually grossed out by it.

16. Do you even know the other person’s eye color?  You must know the other person’s eye color.

17. Give them a 90 day trial period to see it they are a good match. From Steve Harvey’s book, Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man.

18. Never kiss someone until you’ve prayed with them. (If they don’t pray, then…ask them to consider the idea, or ask the person if you can pray with them. Prayer is a sign of spiritual sensitivity. It could be a good sign to knowing how a person will respond to you when you are in pain. The opposite of this statement is not true. Just because you’ve prayed with a lot of nice people, does not mean you are in a place to kiss them.)

19. Girls tell stories, guys try to do stupid stuff. (I’d like to qualify this statement. This tip was given in relation to the small group meeting offered each week at the school where I taught. The differences between how a group ran when it was made up of all female members compared to how the small groups made up of all male high school students were very different.  An example of stupid stuff was one all male small group had a competition to see who could put their mouths completely around their large red plastic drink cups. I don’t remember a group of all female students I led over the years ever trying the drink cup challenge.  The young women in my groups talked and shared stories of what was going on in their lives.)

20. Accept that you will let each other down because no relationship is perfect. -Noah Martin.

21. I believe the sixth love language is presence.

      (Gary Chapman has written a book called The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love that Lasts. Chapman explains how these five activities help relationships:  Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service.

In addition to these five traits, I believe presence with another person is a love language. I believe that there are people who express themselves through their actions by meeting others at the cross roads of their lives, by being present and not being distracted when relating to others. I believe giving someone your whole and undivided attention (not checking cell phones, etc.) and full attention is a way of loving another person. I believe presence is a combination of giving a gift, quality time, and an act of service. Physical touch and words or affirmation may or may not be involved.  However, the persons physical bodily presence is involved. The love language of presence can be seen in people who are dependable and show up just when you need them. These people know the value of being aware, attuned, and making an effort to being at every activity that is important to another person in his/her life. I would explain to young adolescent girls I believe their fathers do care about them by going to their games and sitting on the couch with them as they watched a TV show, even if they never say a word to them after the game or during the show.  Their dads were showing care through the language of their presence. Their dad’s presence was a way of speaking to them.

We know presence is a real experience, because the absence of it is very real. When a parent can’t make it to a game, a child can feel a sense of loss. We want people in our lives to be a witness to our experiences and mirror our accomplishments, our pain, our needs back to us.  When a parent, a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a loved one dies, a part of the grief process is missing that person’s humanity; no longer having that person’s presence, or witness, creates an emptiness in our lives. We need people who love us to be present to the events that mean the most to us in life.

We can also say presence is real from the negative experience of it. For example, when another person is in our space too much, we feel smothered.  Being poked through facebook, texted, emailed, phoned and showing up unexpectedly, can make anyone feel overwhelmed.  So there are healthy and unhealthy aspects of presence. We know when presence is healthy in a relationship, because it draws us toward another person; we want that person in our lives. When presence is unhealthy, their acts of presence push us away from them.

We can also say that physical presence is real, because a virtual presence is a nice connection, but it’s not enough.  I believe spending time with someone via the internet, gaming, or social media propels people to want to spend time together in each other’s actual physical presence. Too many people are ‘catfished’ today through the internet that again, physical presence with another person is an elemental part of relationship. If 80% percent (or more) of a message that is sent to another person is found in a person’s body language, then you need the person you care about you to be in your presence to truly get to know them (and for them to know you). A virtual relationship can not convey the cues that can only be discerned through another’s body language.

Your very existence, your presence is a gift to others.  Knowing how the power of your presence affects those around you, for good or for bad, is important in relationships. Interpreting another’s presence when they around you is also very important. The effort to be present means a lot to people these days. Giving of yourself by being in the presence of another, especially when you are invited, and when it is important to that person, is a gift. Beyond being a gift, presence is a love language.)

22.  Don’t date a snake. They bite!

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